Homer sings Do-re-mi

Author: admin  //  Category: Jokes

Do-re-mi sung by Uncle Rogers favourite vocalist Homer Simpson

    Warning: Consumption of alcohol may…

    Author: admin  //  Category: Jokes

    Due to increasing products liability, alcoholic beverages manufacturers have accepted the Medical Association’s suggestion that the following warning label be placed immediately on all bottles:

    • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
    • Warning: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a w@nker.
    • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.
    • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
    • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your clothes.
    • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
    • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose name, and/or species you can’t remember).
    • Warning: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
    • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead to traffic signs and cones appearing in your home.
    • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
    • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you possess mystical Kung-Fu powers.
    • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that people are laughing with you.
    • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
    • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.

      Free Beer

      Author: admin  //  Category: Jokes

      A stranger walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar.

      FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS OUR TEST!

      So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. The Bartender replies “Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing at once and you can’t make a face while doing it. Second, there’s a ‘gator out back with a sore tooth…you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there’s a woman up-stairs who’s never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her.”

      The guy says, “Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won’t do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there. Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, “Wherez zat teeqeelah?”

      He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence.

      The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. “Now” he says “Where’s that woman with the sore tooth?”